In the wise words of psychologist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung, one of life’s challenges is to develop the ability to hold the “tension of the opposites.” We are often pulled into binary thinking – good and bad, right and wrong, true and false. Having an internal compass to guide yourself toward your north star of what’s good, right, and true is important grounding. At the same time, the ability to recognize nuance, observe bias, and respect opposing perspectives based on differing life experiences are essential qualities to cultivate expansive relationships externally as well as internally.
When faced with opposition to our north star of what’s good, right, and true, it’s understandably confusing. This confusion can lead to anxiety, and perhaps even fear. First, noticing that this is happening (practicing mindfulness is helpful) will then allow you to begin to create space between the tension. It’s in this space that learning can occur through the willingness to let go of the need to pull to one side or the other, and instead to accept the in-between space, and in this in-between space seek emotional peace, find equanimity.
As I reflect on this, I wonder, how can we introduce the concept of holding the tension of the opposites in early childhood education in an age-appropriate way? When practicing holding the tension of the opposites that is externally based (e.g., someone disagrees with you), perhaps in those instances what’s good, right, and true is simply to have empathy. Through empathy, the child can begin to see that there are other perspectives to consider, other questions to be asked, other ideas to be explored. It’s okay to maintain a position of what we deem good, right, and true for ourselves so long as this doesn’t take away from anyone else’s ability to express what good, right, and true for them. Allow children to explore this through their socialization, practice age-appropriate dialogue. Empathy paired with a learner’s mindset, curiosity, and non-judgment, comes naturally to children. As caregivers, we can notice and celebrate moments when children exercise this ability. Be sure to reflect with the child, for example, “I noticed that when another child disagreed with you, you responded with interest and asked questions to better understand, I’m proud of you for wanting to learn and gain understanding.”
As described above, opposition presents itself through relationships (e.g., opposing perspectives between people). There are also internal aspects of opposition in one’s self to contend with. At times it may be difficult to operate in an in-between or middle space of navigating our own emotions. For example, one could find themselves feeling angry but because anger is uncomfortable, they may be forcing themselves to feel happy instead, swinging from one opposite to another. Instead, consider how to hold the tension of anger and happiness together while finding an emotional balance between – a middle space where both can exist and be at ease.
How can we model emotional balance between opposing emotions and conflicting needs for children? Like most practices that begin in early childhood, this practice of finding emotional balance is a lifelong commitment to refine. Again, the first step is to notice what’s arising internally, (e.g., this is making me feel sad, frustrated, confused) then affirm that it is okay to experience any given emotion as well as a range of emotions. Normalize that sometimes our emotions may be seemingly opposite. For instance, it’s okay to feel sad that a friend went home but also to be happy to go play outside. Caregivers can model this for children by describing their own emotional experiences in appropriate and healthy ways.
When increasingly difficult moments of opposition arise that make holding the tension overwhelming, show how you take care of yourself, e.g., “I’m experiencing emotions that are overwhelming right now, I’d like to create space so I can find a balance. I’m going to read a book, go for a walk, take a bath, etc. and will see if I can restore balance in myself after I take a break.”
Children are rapidly developing and with this rapid development, new emotions are constantly being introduced. Helping children to identify what they are feeling is an essential first step to finding balance. Some resources to support emotional recognition are found here.
Navigating opposing tensions is an artful practice, it requires openness – flexibility of mind and balance of heart. By practicing to hold the tension of the opposites, we can enhance our relationships and support our own long-term emotional stability.
Photo credit: Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash
Learning to Create. 