Words of affirmation is known as one of the five love languages. In addition to words of affirmation, there are also: acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Love languages are often applied in romantic relationships, but love languages can be applied in different contexts across all types of relationships.
In the context of supporting children’s learning, I’m going to focus on words of affirmation because accurate communication is fundamental to learning. The way we use our words to communicate affirming messages can provide a wellspring of encouragement to children as they navigate the most rapid period of human development and learning that occurs in early childhood.
Why is encouragement so important? Children are natural learners, absorbing everything around them, however, that doesn’t mean that they are shielded from the challenges of trying new things, pushing beyond limits, taking risks, feeling okay to fail and try again — learning, at every stage, takes vulnerability and courage. There’s fear and a desire for safety in all of us. As a child, being vulnerable to learn takes encouragement from our parents and teachers. Over time, external encouragement becomes internalized. This internalization of external encouragement helps the child to build their own internal wellspring of courage to continue learning and growing.
So let’s consider some encouraging words of affirmation for children. Often we use phrases like, “good job” or “great work” but this is generic and over time may lose any meaningful effect. Instead, try to be specific in your communication about what the child has accomplished, and rather than conveying judgement of what’s good, try to balance in other words that have less connotation of judgement. A note that praise can be communicated without passing a judgement around what’s considered good.
And of course, in addition to your words of affirmation — embody warmth, enthusiasm and genuine interest. The feelings attached to the words is what will resonate the most.
Below are examples of words of affirmation to encourage children’s learning.
- You did [insert what was done] all by yourself!
- I can tell this is important to you, I believe in you.
- I admire the way you used your imagination and creativity (other examples: use your problem solving skills, are patient waiting for your turn, think about about other people’s needs, share your emotions freely, give warm hugs, ask for help when you need it, etc.)
- I appreciate the way you care about your friends (other examples: a classmate, a friend, their family, their community, a pet, etc)
- That [insert action or behavior] shows that you are brave (other examples: responsible, considerate, kind, thoughtful, generous, caring, honest, dedicated, etc.)
- Your kindness makes people feel happy (other examples: included, special, loved, valued, etc.)
- That was difficult and you made an effort to try. I’m proud of you!
- You are learning more and more everyday. I’m excited to hear about what you learn next!
- You worked hard on [insert what the child did: creating ____, building ____, solving ____] and it shows.
- Thank you for sharing your ideas with me.
- You clearly communicated what you wanted. I appreciate that about you!
- I trust in your ability to make decisions (other examples: to make friends, try new things, ask important questions, share what you’re feeling, to be generous, etc.)
- I enjoy learning about what you discover (other examples: create, plan, share, decide, etc.)
- I know that you’re trying, I’m always here to support you.
- You included a lot of detail, I know that must have taken a lot of focus and attention.
- You danced beautifully (other examples: skipped high, ran fast, did a full cartwheel, threw the ball far, had steady form, maintained your balance, had fun splashing, etc.)
- You made me smile when you [insert the action or behavior].
As you can see, there are many variations. Take your time to be observant of the child’s actions and behaviors. Be thoughtful in selecting your words of affirmation. Also, you may have noticed that I limited the use of adjectives, I personally enjoy adjectives but I tried to keep it simple to keep the focus on the child’s actions and behaviors in an effort to not convey too much value judgement (i.e. to avoid the good/bad binary). However, in all things balance is needed so sprinkle in your favorite descriptive words to convey excitement and meaning as you see fit, a few of my favorite adjectives are: fantastic, marvelous, terrific, beautiful, magnificent, wonderful, lovely, and many more!
Through your attentive observations and thoughtful communication in noticing and affirming children’s actions and behaviors, you are not only making the child feel appreciated and encouraged in the moment, you are also instilling a sense of confidence that will support their learning throughout life.
Learning to Create. 